SOME JOKES TO CHEER U UP =] (if this post is too long then.. sry) -.-"


A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way. What are we going to do for Christmas?"



My mother taught me to read when I was four Years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one Of the cabinet doors was ajar.

I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my Mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the Bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, She told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months....It' s Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle And his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for All of us while they were gone.

Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and Immediately burst into laughter. Next came his Wife who gasped, then began giggling... Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment When she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate, with The fork carefully arranged on top. I had even Tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the Edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, My response sent the other adults into further fits of Laughter.

"But, Mom, you said they were for special Occasions!!! "



On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude And will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude the Captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD! Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I Scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"


aaron XDD